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Two Nuns Shopping |
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| While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cas hier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. "The curlers are on me." |
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| The Fishing Story Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?" I still don't know if she was joking... |
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| Comments made in the year 1955! That's only 52 years ago! "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00." "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2, 000.00 will only buy a used one." "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous. "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" "If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store." "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage." "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls." "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL of DAMN in it." "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas." "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President." "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet." "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work." "Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat." "I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business." "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress." "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on." "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel." "No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood." "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it." Know any friends who would get a kick out of these, pass this on! Be sure and send it to your kids and grandkids too! |
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| Top 10 reasons why trick or treating is better than sex 10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and do it again 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some 6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are 5. Twenty years from now you'll still enjoy candy 4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door 3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning 2. Less guilt the morning after And the number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex -- 1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD! |
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